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>> New link. [Mar. 8th, 2007|09:07 pm] here. link EAT AT JOE's

>> too much to delete. [Mar. 8th, 2007|05:11 pm] Looking through all my old posts, I decided I really hate how I post so much shit throughout. I am going to start a new LJ. I'll post the URL here when I'm done. link EAT AT JOE's

>> sobeer. [Mar. 8th, 2007|04:54 pm] [ heart | i fucking hate biology ] So, I haven't posted in a couple days, shocker, hahaha. I don't know, I've been really bitchy to my Livejournal lately because I have so much angry shit to say sometimes and it's all really emo-tastic and not fun and annoying and I'm sure it gets on everyone's nerves including mine. I really wish my hair would grow faster, haha. Anyway, I'm kind of thinking about May 8th (senior show), and Kate's stuff, and I don't know yet if Mrs. Clark is going to let me shoot during the show, so if it's workable with you, Kate, maybe like...we could get some models (yours) or something and do a promotional thing before the 8th or something? I don't even know (if you don't want me to photograph them at all, tell me :x ). Um. I had a really long, philosophical conversation with Ish and Sophie(L) today. YES, we were sober. It was a very intricate conversation, I'm not even going to try and recreate it here. Hmm. I'm going out to dinner again tonight. link EAT AT JOE's

>> I update my livejournal every day! [Mar. 6th, 2007|01:02 pm] [ heart | EXCITED ] Anywayyyy. Here's the revised, settled, confirmed shooting schedule. March 7th - Still Life [photos!!] March 9th - Magazine Interrogation (seeing if those fools need a photographer) [probably no photos but an update] March 21st - Information on Gowns Downtown, sponsers, models, times, blahblah [no photos but an update] May 2nd - Wynkoop Fashion Display (including pieces of Kate's work) [photos, at long goddamn last] May 8th - Kate's Full Show [photos!] link EAT AT JOE's

>> Dad quotes. [Mar. 6th, 2007|12:36 pm] Part two. Dad: Is Eric getting good grades in college? Me: I don't know. Dad: (immitation) 'I KNOW, I JUST DON'T GIVE A SHIT!' Mom: Can you clean off the table for the tutor? Dad: BLAH, BLAH, BLAH! link EAT AT JOE's

>> :D [Mar. 2nd, 2007|11:12 pm] [ heart | busy ] I have become CONSUMED by the fashion photography world. Like seriously, I've fallen in love with galleries and artists and I know who I want to model for me for the evening gown shoot around early April or late March, I have a photo in my head of Marilyn and I know exactly how I want it to look. It's the only thing I can think about at the moment, I'm completely enthralled. It's kind of a good thing. It takes my mind off of school, stresses, and all those other little trifles. link EAT AT JOE's

>> Through my eyes, I've seen the world. [Feb. 26th, 2007|07:41 am] In different ways, I've seen the world from different places, and different views from different people, and different homes. And I've learned that what we do here in the United States is so different from that of foreign countries. I think this is why I want to move to Trondheim. There are just certain things about the people in the US that bother me consistently, like the fact we take everything for granted and we don't realize how fucking good we have it here. The biggest thing I took back from Mexico is my appreciation of hot water, clean rooms, clean water, and air conditioning. I stayed with a Lankenha village, I stayed in the middle of the rainforest two nights in a row in different areas with different kinds of people (and animals), and the USA, well, to put it simply - we're just blind, war-loving assholes. And not all of us, I know all you people who love peace and blahblahblah - but you're still asswipes who don't understand how lucky we have it, and you aren't nice to the people that you should be fucking nice to. Blahhh. I don't know, this is sort of a thought in the moment kind of thing, but I just think that Norwegians take better care of themselves and the people around them. And I want to move there. It's not that I don't love you guys who are my friends and such, but the tension and pressure that you guys inadvertendly somtimes put out is literally heavy, and I feel so much better when I take vacations. In any case, I love you guys, don't take this wrongly. I'm more speaking of our country as a whole. link EAT AT JOE's

>> BACK FROM MEXICO! [Feb. 25th, 2007|03:17 pm] I am back from Mexico!!!! :DDD And it was amazing, it made me so appreciative of the little things we have in the USA, and even though everyone says that the USA sucks balls because of our president and shit, TRUST ME, it could be wayyyy worse. I'll post some of my journal entries later. But while I was away I was thinking about my whole style-thing and how I want to look next year at school, and I know exactly what I am going to do. :D PS. You all weren't expecting it, but my dad got me and Will tequila, kahlua (sp) (which I actually really liked) and beer. :D But the beer was Modelo or something and it was bad. :P link EAT AT JOE's

>> superficial bastards. [Feb. 15th, 2007|04:50 pm] You heard me - I'M SICK OF IT. Sick of trying to impress the general population, sick of not hearing a single damn compliment when I try and lose my stomach in more than one way just to gain appeal. I know it worked - but the bones in my face say STAY BACK. Some people were born beautiful; others were born to film those who are. So keep your mouth shut for me, now. When I wanted it open, I wanted a smile. Now I fucking fit my fingers between my ribcage instead of lovers fingers' clutching onto my torso. I should have been made out of plastic and been played with by little girls to make me pretty. But I played in the mud with little boys and thought a dancer in the street was considered lithe and original. Broadcast your cliches and swallow them. Broadcast your cliches and swallow them. Broadcast your cliches and swallow them. Broadcast your cliches and swallow them. Broadcast your cliches and swallow them. Broadcast your cliches and swallow them. Broadcast your cliches and swallow them. Broadcast your cliches and swallow them. Broadcast your cliches and swallow them. Broadcast your cliches and swallow them. Broadcast your cliches and swallow them. link EAT AT JOE's

>> A candy day [Feb. 14th, 2007|07:35 am] So I just got to school and I got 2 valentines from zach k and ish, plus a handful of candy hearts from each. And nobody's being obnoxious about the fact that this holiday circulates around couples - everyone so far just seems to be spreading luuuvve. I feel bad for not making valentines cards for everyone like some people did - so here's my valentine to you all: Happy V-Day. I guess today isn't a total downer - cause I've got friends and shit that are just amazing. And I just wrote this poem (about myself, for an assignment): At night, she is a lion, mane triangular, muscles and flesh subtle; like the coming of midnight. She lets her arm dangle freely above moonlit pools of water, from melting snow, and molten consequence. A corseted face stares back with blank blue eyes, though she knows the sunglasses in winter gloom disguise her tired expression. link EAT AT JOE's

>> MEXICO!! [Feb. 13th, 2007|08:29 am] [ heart | WORM! ] HEY EVERYONE, READ THIS. In case you don't know, I am leaving on the 17th (at like 4am) to go to MEXICO! And not tourist Mexico, MEXICO MEXICO. Jungle-ass, Mayan Mexico. Unfortunately, it won't be like Norway where I brought my laptop. I will of course be taking loads of fucking pictures, but I won't have any communication with you guys for a while. :[ So don't think I died if I don't post in a while - I'm just in Mexico haha. I've been to Japan, Norway, and now Mexico all in 12 months. I'm going to be in such bad foreign-country withdrawl. :[ So Manuel had these sunglasses in his backpack and I took them haha. I didn't steal them, he offered them up and I took them. In mah new shades, yo. Speaking of new shit, me and Taylor and maybe Hope and some other fools are gonna go down to Twist & Shout and the Thrift Store today during our free time. Unfortunately, I don't have that much money, but Taylor has like 11 dollars so maybe I can convince him to buy me something cool. Like a shirt. :D Mmm Green Apple EXTRA gum is sooo good. :D I'm mad that photogaphy club isn't this week, because I won't be here next week. link 1 ate|EAT AT JOE's

>> constricted restricter. [Feb. 11th, 2007|11:46 am] Parents can be overwhelmingly over-protective. Everyone with parents that allow them to do certain things, I hope you understand how lucky you are, because for a lot of kids they never get to do anything until they turn 18. I've noticed that in my house, the exact age of 15 makes you able to do what you want to, before curfew. And then when you turn 18/have a car and can drive, you can do whatever the fuck you want to when you want to regardless. My dad is better about it than my mom is. My mom is so...so...uptight. She needs to chill, like seriously. But hanging out downtown with both Zachs, Sophie L., Max, Belle, and Emma (whom I haven't seen in 295u87573737 years) was a lot of fun and I'm glad I got to do it. I'm grateful I don't live in an entirely constricted household. I used to know this girl when I was way younger that wasn't even allowed to watch Scooby Doo, because it was too "scary", says her mom. They have to realize that kids are separate entities from their parents, and that what they believe may not necessarily be what they believe. If children were exactly like their parents when they grew up, time wouldn't be able to function. link EAT AT JOE's

>> DeviantART and shooting schedule revised [Feb. 10th, 2007|12:28 pm] You guys can ignore the shooting schedule, it's just here for my remembering. May 2nd - Wynkoop Fashion Show (including Equilibrium is going to be there!) Sometime in the Spring - GownTown. (haha I made up that name) May/April - Senior Show (Kate yay!) Okay, so things about DeviantART. Art is a definite struggle against belief, ritual, personal battles, instincts, and a whole other mess of mental and physical conundrums. Therefore, it's sort of like a battle between yourself and your art form, and sometimes it can be a release. That being said, it's very easy to come across a large group of very talented people who are complete and utter dickweeds. Sometimes, in my belief, people are so consumed with their art, that although it's very, very good, the people doing said artwork are assholes. They don't have enough time to spend on their manners or personalities. So if you do art, for example, photography, you come across people that are jackasses. I'm not saying all very talented people are mean, of course not! But it's more common to find a nice, untalented person than a very talented nice person. I guess it also has to do with an artistic megalomania kind of thing. DeviantART is a gathering of different ranges of talent on one single site. Now, there's got to be some friction there. And there is. Addie is deleting her DA because she says it doesn't make her feel any better about her artwork and she CLEARLY needs thousands of dollars to be a good photographer (I think this is totally untrue, but I can see why she's deleting it). So if anyone ever has a DA and happens to read this, I'd like to tell you that just brush it off. Yes, it hurts very bad when people that are better than you are mean to you because of such a reason. Yes, it hurts when people that are better than you tell you that your work is shit, when you know it's not that bad. I've had similar experiences. But it's because they're pretentious, and for the good of you having a DA, they should be ignored. They're just the bullies of the online gallery world, and they do suck. But bear with it, because the people that really like your art are totally worth giving forth to. Love ya bitches. link EAT AT JOE's

>> FUCK SG. [Feb. 9th, 2007|08:57 am] [ heart | fuck sg ] Fuck Suicide Girls. They're suing Lithium Picnic for photographing a Suicide Girl model (who happens to be his girlfriend) for her OWN site. It has nothing to do with SG but they're getting all pissed cause I guess they say he "stole their model" or whatever. It's bullshit! They kicked him out of SG before this for NO REASON! What the fuckkkk?!!! Ugh. And he's like the greatest that ever lived. What a jackass. Anyway, I'm really hungry. I had a banana for breakfast and a muffin sounds pretty good. link 2 ate|EAT AT JOE's

>> break in emotion. [Feb. 7th, 2007|07:42 am] WARNING! Very long post. Contains some whining. So shoot me. fuck love. fuck valentine's day. FUCK IT TIFJJFGHFHF. I'm done. I totally give up. If it happens, fine. That's great. But if it doesn't, I guess I'll just be alone and deal with it. It'll give me more worktime anyway. I know that's cynical and whatever, but I've tried damn near everything and nothing is giving way to anything good. Will someone tell me what I'm doing wrong? Is it my voice? My hair? The way I look? My weight? What the fuck is it? Will someone tell me if I'm ugly or I need to do something different? Because it just seems like nothing I've tried works at all. I always end up becoming like another boy. It's very weird. People always ask me for relationship advice and usually the shit I tell them to do works so they keep coming back, and that just makes me even more depressed. What do I seem like, Miss Cleo?! "Oh, dear, child, I'm all alone, but I've got the perfect advice to make you happy cause I live off other people!" No. No nononononono. So last night I guess what re-set this off is that kid Max sending me a comment saying how he thinks he likes Sidney. Now, I'm all right with all that. I don't really want to get to know that kid better as a boyfriend, because he's just not a good match for me. But why increase that feeling of solitude by telling me shit like that? You barely fucking know me and you want my fucking advice? Okay. So I sent him a message telling him he should ask her to be his valentine and shit like that. And he kept asking me how to do it and what he should do and bnlahblahblah. Why does this always seem to happen? I'm always put in this kind of situation, and never on the opposite end. Just once, I'd like someone to ask someone else for advice about me. I know that seems selfish, and it is, but just bear with me for a moment. I know how Ish was telling me that someone, somewhere has had a crush on me before. And I've come to the conclusion that that is false. Sure, one or two people might have been like "oh you're cute, that's pretty cool." But nobody's ever, EVER considered actually dating me (besides Sophie girl, but that's different entirely). I don't even know. Everything works for other people, and not for me in any way. So I say fuck it. Fuck trying. I give the fuck up, I throw in the towel. I was in love once, and I don't care how many of you say I'm too young for that, because age has nothing to do with it. I KNOW WHAT LOVE IS and I know what it feels like and I'm still fucking in love with him, I'll just never see him again and we have nothing in common but our sense of humor (which I'm not even sure exists anymore either). Know how I know it was/is love? Because it happened completely by accident. I didn't fucking mean to fall in love with him. Given the choice I deffinately wouldn't have at all. I mean for Christ's sake, he's deffinately not that attractive, and he plays sports, and he's two years older than me! Given the choice I would probably have stayed away from him, especially now. But back then I wasn't looking for anything like that, and it just happened. Like a lightning bolt, it just fucking happened. I didn't force myself to like some random kid. It just happened. I thought up something to describe it. Love is like falling down the stairs - it'd hurt a lot less if it was on purpose. And while I've never believed that there's only one person for another person (that doesn't seem possible), I guess that might be true. I've never felt even close to the same way I felt about that kid five years ago. So I guess I had my shot. For three years, I had my shot. And I know that eventually he knew. He could tell it was in my voice and eyes, because he just knew like that. And he never made me feel bad about it. I thank him for that. Deeply. I just wish he could see me when I wasn't a nerdy little fat girl. Is there some way I could send him a picture now? Haha, he'd probably think I was a freak. No, he'd probably just think...I don't know. But that's all over and gone now, so I guess I gave up my shot. I forfeited my turn, and there's no way of getting it back again. Maybe if I wait long enough, till I'm in college or something, I'll be able to have another turn. Until then, I'll be on standby for a very quiet and long time. Letting time pass. Letting blood flow. Taking my pictures, being sassy, and giving advice. Love, me. link 5 ate|EAT AT JOE's

>> there will be no white flag above my door. [Feb. 6th, 2007|07:55 pm] And when we meet Which I'm sure we will All that was there Will be there still I'll let it pass And hold my tongue And you will think That I've moved on.... I will go down with this ship And I won't put my hands up and surrender There will be no white flag above my door I'm in love and always will be. Dido expresses how I feel. Ever since that year, I've never been able to see anyone the same way. I'm always comparing the way I felt towards you to the way I see others. Even if there's some slight possibility of me even beginning to like someone, it doesn't even come close to being on the same scale as the way I felt -- or, maybe still feel -- about you. But I'll never, ever get to see you again. I'll never see you again, and that's probably the hardest part. It's the worst. I'll never be able to get over it because it happened far too early. And we share nothing but our laughter. We never did. I wish I knew if you even felt anything more than that "cute little-sister" kind of friendship. I wish I knew. It sounds cliche and stupid, but today when I find myself completely alone in the relationship area, I wonder if maybe you saw me today there could even be a glimmer of anything. Because you made my heart beat so hard that it bled into my lungs and suffocated me. You always had me at hello. I'll never have you ever again. I'll probably always be in love with you. Never seeing you again. Far too scared to tell you. Far too scared to find you. To see you again. You used to occupy my dreams, and now I'm left dreaming of those dreams. It feels like a tack has been stuck into my chest, and a paper is stuck there, with a memo to myself about being so stupid as to let you go. I'll never be able to forget you. I'm sorry. I'm oh-so-sorry. I remember all the summer jokes we used to have. You and I seemed to be the only ones laughing at those. I wonder if you're the same person still. God, I haven't thought about you this much in forever. It's painful. But it needs to be addressed. And I miss you. I miss you. I MISS you. Sometimes I wished I passed up the opportunity to go to such a great school now, to go to your school, just to see you. Ugh. It makes me sick to even think about how close we could have been. And how I could have been so much prettier. Just for you. And when we meet Which I'm sure we will All that was there Will be there still I'll let it pass And hold my tongue And you will think That I've moved on.... I will go down with this ship And I won't put my hands up and surrender There will be no white flag above my door I'm in love and always will be. link EAT AT JOE's

>> no raves for me. :D [Feb. 6th, 2007|07:36 am] So yesterday actually didn't suck balls. In fact, it was very amazing. I'm not as far behind as I thought I was, and I'm not as sick as I used to be. My porfolio JUST NOW got checked off as good so yay. :D Plus, the weather is warming up, bringing sunlight and nutrients to all the good little boiz and grllz. and i had my camera yesterday and made an amazing pictureblog and video (mostly of Taylor running marathons!). &i accidently brought my camera again today. but i probably won't make a second picture blog. Leah took me a good full-body shot with my lil' digital! :D I've started over on my DA (cleared everything out) AND I've made a new one, too, but it's a secret so I'm not telling you the URL of it. Unless you ask. But there's nothing there yet. :] link EAT AT JOE's

>> :( [Feb. 5th, 2007|08:40 am] Today is going to be rate shit. It already started out bad. I get so upset when I have to make-up work, because whenever I have to, something always gets fucked out of place and nobody fucking notices, so it's my ass that gets blamed. >=[ It's not even my fucking fault, this administration is just fucking nuts. So yeah last night I started CRYING because I was so angry because I already lost a really important notebook goddammit and then like my dad came in and basically told me to STFU&DROPOUTOFSCHOOLJUSTSHUTUP. And it sucked. Then this morning I had a bloody nose and I tried putting on my eyeliner (which I hadn't done in a week) and I smudged it and it looked awful so I tried to take it off but it was WATERPROOF so I had to rub the skin off my eyelids to get it off and it didn't really come off so I had to rub and rub and rub and hide it with foundation and I got so mad at one point I turned around and from my room I threw the eyeliner brush out the door and down the stairs from where I was standing. I also slammed the door and threw towels. I got pretty pissed. And I wasted time and I can't hear out of one ear and I know that today's gonna suck. They're gonna ask me for all the fuckingshitbullshitslutfuck that I don't fucking have and I'm gonna get blamed AGAIN. I wanted to make this year the year where I get really good grades, but that got fucked up first semester. So this semester I wanted to try it again, and it was fucking working until I GOT SICK and now bullshit is happening all over again. WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!??!?! I'm so mad. But I did bring my camera today and I am going to take pictures with my friends because they make me feel better. =[ and so does my mom hahahahahaha.&h link 1 ate|EAT AT JOE's

>> blah blah blahhhh [Feb. 4th, 2007|12:23 pm] [ heart | annoyed ] I hate how being away from school sucks because I don't get to see people but at the same time it's good because I hate school. But I'm ready to go back tomorrow, I guess. I'm really not looking forward to it because if I missed anything and blahblahblah it's going to be really annoying. It's like, can you understand that I just want to relax while I'm still alive? I guess learning things to a certain degree is good, but I don't need to know everything, and everything I don't use everyday I'll just forget. I've had this argument countless times, but you know what, it's very true. I'm annoyed. =[ link EAT AT JOE's

>> Hmm. [Feb. 3rd, 2007|11:57 am] I'm having very interesting dreams lately, and while not all of them seem to have the same plot, they all seem to begin in the same place: it's this old church-mansion-museum type place, and all them always begin the same. I, almost always a male character, walk through the door. There are two staircases, one leading down to my right and the other leading down to my left. I start out always on the right, but a fat monk(?) stops me and says that the way I'm going is the way to the women's bathrooms, and tells me to turn around. So I do, and then I go down the other staircase, and that's when something happens. It all started when I had a dream that I ran into Dora Moore when it was being worked on, except it was this church-museum place. I remember vaguely having a dream a while back about this dog that would steal limbs and things from dead people in the morgue, and I guess the watchman or embalmer or whoever he is would get really angry when he did this, cause it was his dog. So I dragged this wrapped-up body onto the embalming table when he wasn't there in his office, and then I ran back up the stairs. Unfortunately, I got caught in one of those weird things where you can't move or you're moving too slow or something, so I couldn't get up onto the last step. The guy came back into his office but he couldn't see me because I was on the top of the stairs and his basement was like at the bottom of this second staircase and what-not, it's difficult to explain but you've all seen something like it before. Point is, he couldn't see me. But then his dog barked and ran down the stairs into his office, and the guy freaked out seeing the body on the desk and started chasing his dog. I finally got up the last step and bolted, and he didn't see me until we ran into this other dog and we were both panicking cause this other dog was like vicious and shit, so then I either ran out or woke up. The second dream had to do with the exact same beginning but different things happening. First off, I was with my aunt when we went down the second staircase. We went outside this time, not spending that much time indoors, and it was snowing. We saw a full-grown Jackalope (go figure), and the Headless Horseman. There was also this old man or something that was part of a group called the Six, and he had a ring with a sapphire in it with a 6 on it, and he told this huge story of treason and shit and like it ended with a very weird ending where he tried to tell the modern people his story like a warning, and the modern people already knew it and told it to him before he died (he was old). The third dream was probably the most exciting. So me and a couple other people go down the staircase, and we're looking for this like 'jade idol' or something, and it's like one of those Chinese dogs. But these other people are looking for it for some evil plan or something of that nature (yes, it's overdone but it was a dream). So we got it and the whole time we're running around and hiding it from him while he's trying to get it and at one point we shoved it up someone's pantleg and he didn't notice which was hilarious. Anyway, it ended up with us driving away and knocking the evil guy unconscious with the car door. That's my stories for the day, children. link EAT AT JOE's

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